Just a Little Bit Strange
by Dr.E. Vance
Summary: Written to make fun of the show. Nothing else. Daniel comes back from the dead and finds his friends have a new outlook on life. . . acting like seven year olds!
1. Episode 0 Introduction

**Disclaimer: the only thing I own is the "box", myself, and my pet rat. **

**This is my first story written in script form, so be nice! This takes place after Daniel comes back. I don't like Daniel so much so that's why he's the one miserable. **

CaSt . . .

Daniel Jackson

Jack O'Neil

Samantha Carter

Teal'c

GOD (only god, which is your author, can speak in all capitals!)

General Hammond

My pet rat, Darla

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Episode 1.0 – Introduction

"_I hope not, that would mean I'm alive again."_

"_Yeah god forbid that happens." Those were the last words Jack exchanged with Daniel. And he couldn't believe it. Daniel was alive again._

JACK – Why do you torture me God? This wasn't in his contract!

GOD - IT IS NOW. HA HA HA HA! BUT DON'T WORRY, I'LL MAKE IT MISERABLE FOR HIM. I LIKED JONAS ANYWAY.

_Jonas, Sam, Teal'c and Daniel walk in. Sam is holding her pretty princess Barbie_

TEAL'C – who are you talking to?

JACK – god. She calls herself blackvendetta.

TEAL'C – hm. _raises eyebrow_

DANIEL – I don't think I was supposed to be back.

JONAS – so leave.

DANIEL – I can't.

JONAS – I'd be glad to kill you.

SAM – why do you get to do it? Anyway, Daniel's a ghost, he can't die.

DANIEL – I am not a ghost! How many times must I tell you!

SAM – until you prove it.

DANIEL – here. Let me touch you. I' won't through. _Daniel puts out hand but Sam pulls away_

SAM – don't touch me you supernatural being from hell! It's okay Barbie, he can't hurt you!

GOD - HEY EVERYONE, I HAVE A NEW NICKNAME FOR DANIEL!

JONAS – what? I want to call him nasty things! Tell me, tell me!

GOD - CALL HIM. . . YUK-YUK DANIEL

JACK – hey. . . that's funny! Yuk-Yuk for short!

DANIEL – what!

SAM – yuk, yuk, yuk, yuk! That's silly. I like it!

_Sam, Teal'c and Jack leave. Jonas, God and Daniel are left alone._

JONAS – so Yuk-Yuk. Just you and me. _evil grin._

GOD - AND ME.

DANIEL – um, uh. . . _classic confused face as he backs into the wall._ I didn't want to take your place.

JONAS – so why did you?

DANIEL – don't know. They gave it to me.

JONAS - do you know what the word "no" means?

GOD - STEAL HIS GLASSES!

_Jonas grabs them_

DANIEL – Ha! I don't need them! I have contacts on too, sucker! _sticks tongue out_ _Jonas grabs Daniel's tongue and whaps him in the back of the head causing his contacts to fall out._

GOD - YAY JONAS! KISSES! _blows a kiss to Jonas_

JONAS – _lets go of Daniel's tongue_ who's the sucker now, huh?

DANIEL – help! I can't see! _pause_ NOT!

GOD - GASP! PUNISHMENT FOR YUK-YUK. ONLY I, YOUR GOD AND AUTHOR, MAY SPEAK IN CAPITALS! KICK HIM WHERE IT HURTS JONAS!

JONAS – his shin?

GOD - NO, THE OTHER PLACE.

JONAS – his nose?

GOD - NO! HIS NUTS!

JONAS – oh, okay. _Jonas kicks Daniel's bag of cashews._

DANIEL – Noooo! My favorite kind. And there all BRO. . .

GOD - AHEM. CAPITALS.

DANIEL – broken.

JONAS – I think I will sing now.

GOD - WHAT SONG?

JONAS – Clay Akien's "Invisible".

GOD - GOOD CHOICE. PURE TORTURE. MIND IF I JOIN IN?

JONAS – not at all. _God and Jonas sing. Daniel sinks to ground on knees covering his ears_

DANIEL – it burns! It burns! HELP!

GOD – _stops mid-verse_ DID YOU DO WHAT I THOUGHT YOU DID?

DANIEL – oops.

_Jonas lifts legs and kicks_

DANIEL – Noooo! Not the pistachios!

_**LATER IN SGC MEETING ROOM. . . **_

_Jonas, Sam, Jack, Teal'c, Daniel, and General Hammond sit around the table. God watches from above with her pet rat Darla sitting on her shoulder. Daniel mourns over his nuts._

DANIEL – my poor nuts!

GEN. H – The Tokra have requested for me to send three of my SG-1 members to help them with a Goul'd attack and I have already chosen.

JACK – who?

GEN. H – Jonas, Daniel, and God.

SAM – hey!

JACK – God isn't a member of SG-1!

GOD - I AM NOW. _politely shows badge_

DANIEL – oh, no!

JONAS – oh, yes!

_**GATEROOM . . . **_

_Jonas, Daniel, and God are ready to step through the gate. Jack, Sam, Teal'c and Gen. H watch from the room above_

GEN. H – dial out.

TECH – dialing out!

JONAS – won't this be fun?

GOD - YES

DANIEL – no. _gate opens. Jonas puts a hand on Daniel's back_

JONAS – shall we go?

SAM – bye Daniel's ghost!

DANIEL – _slaps forehead_ oh, man.

_**2 DAYS LATER AFTER THEY HAVE RETURNED . . . **_

_**SGC MEETING ROOM . . . **_

_everyone sits around table. God watches from above with pet rat Darla. Daniel has a black eye. Jonas and God are fine._

GEN. H – was it a success?

DANIEL – define success.

GEN. H – any complaints? Daniel?

DANIEL – yes! If you don't tell Jonas to stop kicking my nuts. . .

GEN. H – I'll look into it. _leaves. Everyone else stays_

SAM – we should have a party!

TEAL'C – indeed.

DANIEL – why? Nothing's happened.

GOD - GREAT REASON.

DANIEL – what's happened to you guys? You've all changed while I was dead!

JACK – naw. . . really? Have I changed Sam?

SAM – no. now that's a reason to have a party!

GOD - RIGHT ON SISTA!

DANIEL – WHat!

GOD - SMART, CATCHING YOURSELF LIKE THAT. TIME TO PARTY!

_table disappears. Food, streamers, confetti, and pin the tail on Anubis. Party music. Everyone wearing party hats. Teal'c has two on. Daniel's confused._

DANIEL - I don't understand. What happened to you guys!

JONAS – something called "insanity – after – losing – a – loved – one – who – has – suddenly – come – back – to – life."

DANIEL- Oh. . . can you cure it? Do you have it?

JONAS – I don't have it. I just dislike you horribly. You messed up my experiment back on my planet. It can be cured, yes. _Jonas begins dancing to Ashlee Simpson._

DANIEL – how?

JONAS – ask God.

GOD – I ANI'T TELLING YOU! I'M HAVING TOO MUCH FUN!

_at that moment, Teal'c grabs Daniel and begins to waltz with him._

DANIEL – I wish I was still dead!

JONAS – easily done. _raises plastic spoon_

DANIEL – just kidding

JONAS – oh.

_Teal'c continues dancing with Daniel._

DANIEL – God, help me! See! No capitals!

GOD - OH, OKAY. _sends pet rat Darla down to nibble on Teal'c's fingers. Teal'c runs away._

DANIEL – thanks.

GOD - HMPH.

JACK – look what I can do! _jumps out of window. Remember setting. He jumps out into gateroom area._

DANIEL – Jack! _looks at God_ I hate not being able to use all capitals.

SAM – JACK! _Sam uses all capitals. God says and does nothing._

DANIEL – wait a minute. . .

_everyone rushes to window. Looks down to see Jack bobbing up and down in their newly installed above ground pool. Everyone calms down except Daniel._

TEAL'C – I forgot about the pool we installed there.

SAM – oh, yeah.

JONAS – I forgot too!

DANIEL – a pool! You installed a pool in the gateroom?

JACK – a heated pool! _Jack climbs out._

SAM – you should see what we did to your old room. Come here.

_everyone walks to Daniel's old room, even a dripping Jack. The room is now a bar._

DANIEL – how did you. . . ? this room seems a lot bigger.

JACK – yeah, we ran out of room so we had to knock down the wall of your office next door.

DANIEL – where's all my stuff! Did you throw it away?

SAM – no. God has it.

DANIEL - can I have it back?

GOD - NO.

DANIEL – ple. . .

GOD - AND NO, "PLEASE" ISN'T GOING TO WORK THIS TIME.

TEAL'C – _looks at watch._ excuse me, but Desperate Housewives will be on soon. But now its time for Charmed, first.

JACK – oh, good! Come on Daniel, join us. We have popcorn.

SAM - and gummy worms.

JONAS – and sometimes, hot chocolate.

GOD - IT'S LOADS OF FUN!

DANIEL – what the hey. But after that, we need to come back here and I must talk to you all seriously.

SAM – sorry. After Desperate Housewives we all have a sleepover and crawl into bed. How about tomorrow morning, after breakfast, in the meeting room?

_**TOMORROW MORNING, AFTER BREAKFAST, IN THE MEETING ROOM. . . **_

_party stuff still up. Everyone, except God, sitting on pillows on the floor. They are lined up in a row in front of Daniel. God and pet rat Darla watch from above. Sam still in pjs and wearing a party hat._

SAM – mornin' everyone.

DANIEL – listen guys. I want to talk to you about what's going on. . .

JONAS – hey do you min if I turn on Z100? I like to listen in the mornings. They do horoscopes. _turns it on without waiting for an answer_

TEAL'C – I'm a Taurus!

SAM – I'm a Virgo!

JACK – ooo! Ooo! I'm a Scorpio!

JONAS – Pisces all the way!

GOD - HEY! YOU TOO, JONAS? YAY!

_Daniel sighs and takes off his glasses, rubbing his face obviously annoyed._

DANIEL – you guys are acting like 7 year olds.

SAM – We know.

JACK – yeah. While you were out we decided to try a new outlook on life.

DANIEL – so you chose to act like 7 year olds.

JONAS – yup.

TEAL'C – indeed.

_alarm goes off. Tech comes over the loud speaker._

TECH – unauthorized visitor! SG-1 to gateroom!

SAM – AAAAHHHH! I'm not dressed!

TEAL'C – I didn't finish my cake!

JONAS – I didn't hear my horoscope yet!

JACK – I'm too tired!

_Daniel realized that he would have to be the one in charge. He hoped he could get his position changed to Colonel by noon._

**End episode one. I hope you liked it and didn't take this too seriously. I'm just having fun! Stay tuned for Episode 1.1 – Anubis for Afternoon Tea! REVIEW! **


	2. Episode 1 Anubis for Afternoon Tea

**Here is the next installment. Enjoy!**

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Episode 1.1 – Anubis for Afternoon Tea

_**SGC MEETING ROOM . . . **_

_(party decorations long gone but table is still missing. All must sit on pillows. God watches from above. Darla is asleep in her cage.)_

GEN. H – I have a new mission for you, so pay attention. The Tokra on planet C3-559774 need your help. They are being attacked by Anubis. Go help them. Now.

DANIEL – sigh. Yes sir. We'll get right on it.

JONAS – I'll have to tape all our shows. Aw man.

SAM – but that means a marathon when we get back!

TEAL'C – indeed.

_**GATEROOM. . . **_

_(Sam insisted on bringing her Barbie. Daniel couldn't believe what he was doing. Gate turns on.)_

EVERYONE – _(except Daniel)_ oooo. . .! ahhhh. . .! ohhh. . .!

DANIEL – let's move out guys!

GOD - /WAIT/

DANIEL – what now? _(he was getting really frustrated)_

GOD - /I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM/

DANIEL – oh, god. . .

GOD - /EXCUSE YOU/

DANIEL – sorry.

_(God finally comes back. They step through the gate. Reach other side. Are immediately shot at. They all turn around and go back home.)_

_**GATEROOM (AGAIN) . . . **_

_(everyone surprised to see them arrive back 30 seconds later.)_

GEN. H - What are you doing back so soon. _(checks watch.) _You haven't even been gone for one minute!

JACK – time travels faster there than here?

GEN. H – oh, okay. Come up for briefing.

_(Sam and Teal'c slap hands. Jonas and Jack bumps chests. God cheers. Daniel moans. None of them could believe Gen. H bought it)_

_**SGC MEETING ROOM. . .**_

_(everyone on pillows. God watches from above.)_

GEN. H – how'd it go?

SAM – great!

GEN. H – did they all survive?

GOD - /ALL? SURE THAT WOULD BE A PRETTY GOOD GUESS./

_(Daniel couldn't believe what he was hearing. But what came next, Daniel was surprised it didn't kill him all over again.)_

JONAS – and guess what?

GEN. H – what?

JONAS – Anubis wants to come to afternoon tea tomorrow at six pm.

GEN. H – oh, wow. We better find our table then. God, you and Colonel (Daniel) make the invitations and place cards. Here's a list. Sam, you and Jonas are in charge of finding our table. Teal'c, your in charge of the decorations.

TEAL'C – oh, baby. . .

DANIEL – Sir, we can't do this now! Anubis didn't say that! _(Jonas kicks Daniel under the table) _Then again, I must not have been in the room.

GEN. H – your right. We can't do it now, it'll go into the time we saved for our Lord of the Rings movie marathon. We'll have to do it first thing in the morning.

JACK – General, what're you doing for the afternoon tea? What should I do?

GEN. H – I'm in charge of hors d'Oeuvres and tarts. You relax.

GOD - /YUM. I HOPE THE TARTS ARE RASPBERRY./

_**FIRST THING NEXT MORNING. . . **_

_(Daniel and God in the Arts and Crafts room. Jonas and Sam hunting around the building. Teal'c in SGC meeting room. General in kitchen. Jack in the pool.)_

_**ARTS AND CRAFTS ROOM. . . **_

_(art supplies, paper, and glitter everywhere. God is doing place cards. Daniel is doing invitations and envelopes.)_

DANIEL – I can't feel my tongue. _(he drops the second envelope in the pile of one)_

GOD - /STOP ACTING LIKE A BABY. FOR YOURS, SHOULD I PUT YUK-YUK OR YUK-YUK DANIEL/

DANIEL – _(not paying attention)_ Yuk-yuk is fine. . .

GOD - /OKAY THEN. . ./ _(does a fancy "yuk-yuk" on the place card)_

DANIEL – He wait a minute! _(stands up quickly. Glitter flies everywhere)_

GOD - /OOOO. . . PRETTY/ _(Daniel collapses into chair)_

_**SOMEWHERE ON THE FOURTH FLOOR. . . **_

_(Sam and Jonas looking for table. All lights are off so it's pitch black. They keep bumping things and tripping)_

JONAS – why are the lights off again?

SAM – ow! The table glows in the dark.

JONAS – wow! Really? Why?

SAM – for this, in case we lose it.

JONAS – wouldn't it be easier to look with the lights on? Or at least use flashlights?

SAM – where's the fun in that?

JONAS – true. Too true.

_**SGC MEETING ROOM. . . **_

_(people scuttle around decorating while Teal'c, wearing a tiara, gives orders)_

TEAL'C – more balloons in the left upper corner! The banners not straight! More streamers!

RAMDOM PERSON #1 – where should I put the boom box?

TEAL'C – somewhere good.

RANDOM PERSON #2 – what should I do with the candles?

TEAL'C – put them somewhere.

RANDOM PERSON #3 – where shall I put the comfy chair?

TEAL'C – on the ceiling! I want all the furniture on the ceiling!

_**KITCHEN . . . **_

_(Chef's run around cooking while General, wearing a football helmet, barks orders)_

CHEF #1 – we don't have any of that!

GEN. H – fine, they'll have to be peanut butter and jelly sandwiches then.

CHEF #2 – we don't have any jam left because of the jam fight disaster (**that's a story I have yet to post for this show!)**. We only have one kind left.

GEN. H – what kind?

CHEF #2 – gooseberry.

GEN. H – fine then, gooseberry tarts.

CHEF #3 – I can't find the spinach filling.

GEN. H – okay, fill the tomatoes with anchovy paste.

**_SGC MEETING ROOM, HALF AN HOUR BEFORE ANUBIS IS SUPPOSED TO ARRIVE. . . _**

_(all furniture except the boom box and a card table with food on it is on the ceiling. Place cards are taped upside down on the ceiling. Invitations sent out. Food is "punch" (random stuff mixed in water), anchovy filled grape tomatoes, jelly sandwiches (couldn't find the peanut butter) and gooseberry jam tarts. Everyone is waiting)_

GOD - /I CAN'T WAIT TO MEET ANUBIS/

DANIEL – he is not coming and you all know that! This is supposed to be afternoon tea. 1)We don't have any tea and 2) it's 5:56 in the evening!

JACK – geez, you're so optimistic aren't you!

SAM – he'll come!

_**TWO HOURS LATER. . . **_

SAM – he'll never come! _(starts crying)_

DANIEL – I told you.

TEAL'C – Now, now, let's try to make the best out of a bad situation.

GEN. H – he's right.

JONAS – yeah. We can have our own afternoon tea without him. There's always next time!

GOD - /YAY! PARTY/

_**NEAR THE END OF AFTERNOON TEA . . . **_

GEN. H – I heard it was Aunbis' birthday in a week.

JACK – Hey! We can throw him a surprise party!

SAM – he's bound to show up that time!

_(everyone except Daniel already started planning it. As for Daniel, he wished he had never come back from the dead)_

**Well, how was it? I won't post the third episode until I get reviews to motivate me! **


	3. Episode 2 Conflagration in the Cafeteri...

**Episode three is here! Don't worry, in future episodes, they will go off planet. . . that's when the water pistols come in.**

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Episode 1.2 – Conflagration in the Cafeteria

**con·fla·gra·tion - ** _n._ A large destructive fire.

_**BY THE INDOOR POOL SIDE. . . **_

_(They all agreed to have the next meeting by the pool. Now all they had to do was decide what to meet about.)_

GEN. H – has anything gone wrong?

DANIEL – well, actually. . . Jonas still kicks my nuts. I had to buy more last night.

SAM – so that's where you went. I was kicking your butt at snakes and ladders. When my head was turned you ran!

DANIEL – yeah, well. . .

JONAS – we have NOTHING to meet about!

DANIEL – _(to God) _Jonas just used capitals!

GOD - /AND. . . YOUR POINT./

DANIEL – If I used them, you would punish me! How come it's only me!

TEAL'C – maybe God has a, what do you call it, crush on you Daniel Jackson.

_(everyone starts to laugh. Daniel blushes. God speaks and the room shakes.)_

GOD - /WHAT? HOW DARE YOU SAY SUCH A HORRIBLE THING! YOU KNOW MY LOVE IS FOR ONE PERSON AND ONE PERSON ONLY/

JACK – who?

_(Jonas grins widely, assuming it's him. But remember :"when you assume, you make an ass out of you and me!")_

GOD - /OKAY SO I LIED, I HAVE A LIST OF 79 PEOPLE THAT I LIKE./

JONAS – am I on it?

GOD - /YES. YOU'RE NUMBER FOUR. NONE OF YOU OTHER IDIOTS ARE ON IT THOUGH./

SAM – aw, shucks.

GOD - /DANIEL, YOU'RE ON MY "THINGS I HATE LIST"/

DANIEL – Aw. Gee, thanks. I'm touched.

GEN. H – well, since this is getting nowhere, I have to go clip my nails! Bye!

_**SGC MEETING ROOM. . . **_

_(Daniel, God, Sam, and Jack sit on the floor. Jonas lays between them where the table should be flat on his back, legs and arms spread out. Table is still missing.)_

JONAS – I am SO bored. . .

JACK – are we ever going to get our table back?

GOD - /EVENTUALLY./

SAM – how do you know that?

GOD - /OH, PLEASE! I'M THE AUTHOR, I KNOW WHERE IT IS/

DANIEL – you know where the table is!

GOD - /WELL, DUH I PUT IT THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE/

TEAL'C – well, we could make something happen.

JACK – what, cause a problem ourselves, then pretend we didn't do it, then fix it and get them to love us more than they already do?

JONAS – We did that yesterday. . .

SAM – we could go camping in the cafeteria!

TEAL'C – I've always wanted to roast marshmallows!

_**SGC CAFETERIA. . . **_

_(all the tables and chairs are cleared out. A giant tent is set up and sleeping bags surround a pile of sticks in the middle of the room. The lights are off.)_

SAM – this is amazing!

GOD - /THANKS. I HAD SOME HELP FROM TRANKY THOUGH./

DANIEL – Who's Tranky?

GOD - /OH, YOU'LL MEET IT LATER/

DANIEL – it?

_(everyone ignores Daniel's question. Sam turns off the lights and they all sit around the pile of sticks. Daniel finally realizes what the sticks are for.)_

DANIEL – whoa, whoa, whoa. . .

JACK – what?

DANIEL – you are not seriously considering lighting a fire in here? An enclosed area?

SAM – how else are we supposed to roast marshmallows?

TEAL'C – speaking of marshmallows. . . _(pulls a large bag of them out from behind his back. Everyone – except Daniel – cheers. Jonas pulls out six sticks. Jack pulls out a box of matches and lights one, throwing it on the pile of sticks on the floor.)_

DANIEL – there is no way this is going to turn out good. . .

GOD - /YOU MEAN "THERE IS NO WAY THIS IS GOING TO TURN OUT WELL. WELL. PROPER ENGLISH DANIEL. YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT./

DANIEL – Jesus Christ!

GOD - /YOU BETTER WATCH IT, BUSTER. JUST YOU WAIT. . ./

_**FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER. . . **_

_(smoke is creeping out from the crack in the door into the hallway. There is yelling inside the room. The door finally slams open and people in the hallway can see the largest fire ever in the middle of the cafeteria and it's spreading.)_

JACK – somebody find a fire extinguisher!

DANIEL – I'm going to die! _(pause) _Again!

SAM – I need help! Where the heck is the fire extinguisher!

GOD – _(singing) _/IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT – IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT – IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT – AND I FEEL FIIIIIIIINNNNNNNE. . . /

TEAL'C – _(was just handed the extinguisher.) _I got it! I'm going in!

_(goes in and turns it on. Fire eventually goes out. The group is covered in ashes and coughing from the smoke)_

JONAS – Oh, no! Everything is ruined. We couldn't even make it last an hour.

SAM – I wasn't paying attention. What caused this to happen anyway?

JACK – Teal'c picked up the wrong bag of marshmallows. He picked up the ones that we found on that planet last month. The exploding ones.

SAM – so you dropped one in the fire?

JACK – no.

SAM – So the bag exploded?

JACK – not exactly.

SAM – then what happened!

JACK – Jonas dropped on the floor. He forgot to tell Daniel do he sat on it. It exploded on Daniel's butt so he stood up too quickly. He turned on the fan to cool down his butt, but he pointed the fan toward the fire by accident and it got bigger.

GOD - /I'LL SEND IN A CREW LED BY TRANKY TO CLEAN IT UP FOR YOU. WE SHOULD ALL GET CLEANED UP OURSELVES./

_(everyone begins walking away. God gets off her cellphone. Daniel turns to her.)_

DANIEL – are we ever going to meet Tranky?

GOD - /BE PATIENT! I TOLD YOU, YOU'LL MEET IT LATER/

DANIEL – it?

**I hop you liked this one! Sorry I took so long to update. Next one is on it's way! **


	4. Episode 3 No Comment

**Here I am again! I kind of forgot about this and then fanfiction admin. removed two of my musicals and locked me out of uploading for seven days . . . so enjoy! **

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Episode 1.3 – No Comment 

_**SGC MEETING ROOM . . .**_

_(the table is still missing because God (your author), since she was away for so long, forgot where she put it. Everyone sits on chairs around an empty space where the table should have been.) _

GEN. H – we got a signal from an unknown planet. We've got people trying to track the source of that message and as soon as we get it's address, you are to go there. _(gets up to leave) _

DANIEL – ah, General?

GEN. H – yes, Daniel Jackson? I'm very busy, I'm running out of time to go bid for something on E-Bay.

DANIEL – what was the message? You know, so we know what they need so we go prepared?

GEN. H – oh, yeah. That. The message said – and I'm just paraphrasing here – 'help us we are being attacked and oh, god! Here they are now, I should hide and oh, lord they saw me and oh GOD MY LEG! THEY SHOT MY FRICKING LEG! . . .' and then we lost transmission. _( repeats message to them with no emotion what so ever. Basically, he dead – pans the whole thing. Then he leaves.)_

_(everyone's mouth is hanging open.)_

JONAS – I don't think I want to go now. Sounds too dangerous.

JACK – yeah. I agree. Someone could get hurt.

_(Gen. H pops head back in the room and tells them they found the address and they have to go.)_

_**STARGATE AREA THING. . .**_

_(everyone is waiting to go through. Daniel is dumb enough to not notice that the rest of the teams' weapons are different from his. The gate opens and they step through.)_

_**OTHER PLANET . . .**_

_(everyone steps out into a large plain of grass surrounded by a densely wooded area.)_

SAM – where is everyone? Why aren't they here?

DANIEL – may cause they're all DEAD! _(slaps hand over mouth realizing he just used all capitals. God didn't seem to notice.)_

_(just then five armoured men walked out of the wooded area and approached the team.)_

DANIEL – guns out! _(Daniel pulls out real big gun. The rest pull out water pistols.) _what are those!

GOD – _(looks at her pistol and then at everyone else's) _/THEY'RE OUR GUNS. WHAT? DID YOU THINK WE'D USE REAL ONES? THOSE COULD HURT SOMEBODY/

_(the five armoured men approached. They will be referred to as A1 – A5. They pulled out real guns and pointed them at the team)_

A2 – what are you doing here! We killed everyone!

DANIEL – we came from the round thing. Round over there. You know, you push the buttons . . .

A2 – you mean the Stargate?

JACK – yeah, that thing. Neat isn't it?

A1 – I am the leader of this group, who is your leader?

_(everyone points at each other. Then they all point at Daniel.)_

A1 – then your leader must die! And the rest of you will become our slaves!

_(A1 lifts gun and fires it at Daniel. Jonas jumps in front and gets shot instead.)_

GOD - /NO! JONAS/ _(runs over to his side. Don't worry. He's not dead. God looks up angrily at the five men and stands up. She pumps her water pistol.) _/YOU HURT HIM! YOU MUST DIE NOW/

_(she fires her water pistol at the five and they all drop down dead.)_

DANIEL – how did you . . .? but that was water! How . . .?

JONAS – _(gets up. He's fine.) _did it work? Did we trick them?

DANIEL – you tricked them!

TEAL'C – well, yeah! We wanted to try our new water pistols but we knew you would not let us use them unless they did something bad. So we faked Jonas getting shot.

DANIEL – _(to Jonas) _so you're wearing a bullet proof vest, huh?

JONAS – no. why would I wear one of those? They're big and uncomfortable.

_(they start to walk back to the gate.)_

DANIEL – then how did you . . .?

JONAS – no comment.

DANIEL – and how did the water . . .?

GOD - /NO COMMENT./

_(Daniel smiles as if he just figured something out.)_

DANIEL – That wasn't really water, was it?

SAM – nope.

DANIEL – then what was it?

JACK – no comment.

DANIEL – ugh! Teal'c . . .?

_(Teal'c smiles and shakes his head, his hands behind his back. They continue through the gate, Daniel still asking them questions and them replying with 'no comment'.) _

**how was that? Sorry it was so short, but I wasn't sure what else to do. If you want more, let me know. Otherwise, this was the last one. **


End file.
